Her Majesty's Service

Well, the B-movie which is my life continues. Just as I was thinking I had my summer plans more or less sorted out, and the only thing I had to worry about was keeping Mairi fever free until take off and packing my knickers, my own stupidity decided to take a starring role in the proceedings.

Last week.

A Conversation with a friend:

F: Kiddies' passports are only valid for 3 years, aren't they?

Me: No, I'm pretty sure it's 5. Mairi has two, and I remember commenting that she wouldn't look anything like that when she was 5.

Saturday night ( 10 days before boarding- 5 of them working ones ).

I'm sitting at the computer, and notice the travel wallet containing the passports lying to one side. "Better just check, although I'm pretty certain...." Yes, valid until 2008, we're fine. My own passport is in the same wallet.
The sudden change from areobics 5 times a week and weight training 3 times a week, to housewife who cooks, to teacher who lives off convenience store food, to mother who can't do anything by herself during the day for 3 years, far less go to a gym; has - shall we say- entailed some striking physical changes over the past 6 years. You may say I've gone back to my old self, but THIS WILL NOT BE PERMANENT DAMMIT! Anyway, deep breaths, I thought I'd have a wee wistful look at my fit and skinny self, opened the passport at the photo page, and my eyes alighted on the legend:

Date of Expiry/ Date d'expiration (10)
21 March/Mars 06

Excuses? OK. I got married 6 years ago, and when I changed my name, I had to get a new passport. So I thought I had another 4 years. I actually got my passport out a month ago to check my Japanese stamps were all still valid. Never occurred to me to check the passport itself..... But now I come to think of it, they did say at the time that the expiry date hadn't changed.... OK, no excuse. I'm just an idiot. Anyway.....

After 10 or so double takes, and even more double expletives, I accepted that this could really mean that I had thrown almost 2000 quid down the drain, not to mention devastated my mother, my sister, and my 3 year old daughter, who only lives at the moment for the thought that she will be watching the Thomas the Tank Engine Live Tour at Glasgow SECC in August. That thought made me feel better....

The following facts add to the excitement:
1) I am due to leave the country on July 18th, around 11am.
2)The only place I can legally apply for a new passport is the British Embassy is in Tokyo.
3) Said embassy is shut until Monday 9am, so there is nothing I can do but sit, panic, and feel like a horse's A;;; - not to mention have that pointed out to me every 10 mins by my darling husband.
4) You have to have your Japanese visa and re-entry permit stamps transferred to your new passport before you can leave and legally re-enter the country, and they too are only open Mon to Fri until 4pm.
5) Next Monday (the day before I travel) is a Japanese National Holiday, so all public offices are shut, which means I need to have the new passport in my hands by Thursday evening.
6) The British Embassy Consular Section says it will take 10 working days to issue a new passport, especially now that we have something called biometric passports, which are totally computer generated , which also causes delays.
7) The only person I know who is actually in the country at the moment, who fulfills all the criteria for countersigning my passport application is in Hiroshima city, so it means a half day trip to Hiroshima before I can even send in the forms.

Lovely!

Finally Monday morning arrives:

After 3 attempts, I get someone on the line from the consular section. Obviously Japanese and very polite, and not at all "jobsworth"y. However, after very crawly and pleading explanation from me:

Embassy Girl: " We cannot guarntee that you will get your passport in time. We will do whatever we can, considering your circumstances, but you'll just have to send it in and see."

Me: " I'm willing to come to Tokyo, and personally hand in the application. Will that make any difference?"

EG: " We cannot guarantee anything. We just have to put it in the computer and see what happens. If you are in Hiroshima, send it in as soon as possible and we'll see what we can do. I suggest you call the Japanese immigration service and ask if you can get in and out of Japan if you have the your new passport and your old one with you. That might be more likely"

Me: "But express service won't get it there till Wednesday even now."
EG: " But we can't guarantee anything even if you do come."

Not sounding good. I phone Japanese Immigration. You can travel with stamps in your old passport as long as you have a new valid one too. One thin glimmer of hope. An extra day bought.

This inspires me to calm down and think rationally for a moment ( despite severe "missing the school bus on the first day of my O Grades" type feelings).

Decide that handing in the application even a day early, has got to increase the chances of getting it back early either way, and let's face it I'm not going to be fit for anything else for the rest of the week anyway, so off to Tokyo it is. Not the way I envisioned this week, but tally ho.


Monday

Put Mairi into nursery for the morning, then furiously pack a bag for 3 nights just in case. Get to a photographers to get my second set of passport photos taken with a white background instead of blue, and the prerequisite 32mm face. The computer will find NO reason to reject this girl!
Pick M up early and head to Hiroshima to chase up my friend, who very gallantly signed everything without even really laughing at me at all.
Drop off the car at the inlaws house and spend 4 hours in the fastest train in the world with a hyper Mairi "I like Rail Star Shinkansens" Chan. Picked up at station (thank God - Tokyo is always more than what you expect) despite protests not to bother by husband of my Japanese friend in Tokyo , and escorted across the metropolis to her house - thank you Ken and Sachiko!
Arrive around 10pm.

Tuesday

First experience of Tokyo rush hour on a train. Thank God for the women only carriage, is all I can say. You could experience even involuntary penetration in that crush on a regular one. (Sorry Mum!) And thank God for Sachiko babysitting M for me. There was no pushchair getting on that train before 10 am.

Arrive at Embassy just before 10am. Camera and cell phone confiscated, I am admitted through the check point.

Me: I called yesterday from Hiroshima. Was it by any chance you I spoke to?

EG: No, sorry.

(Explanation of requirements follows)

EG: (Sharp intake of breath while tilting head to one side. Never a sign of anything positive in Japan. ) Please pay the fee next door and come back here.

Discouraged, I do.

In walks another bloke. Transpires he is a pilot, English, based in Honolulu, resident in Oregon, and this is is nearest passport issuing authority. He is in Japan for one day. He needs his passport issued today too. I'm encouraged momentarily. He too receives the sharp intake of breath treatment. Oh, oh! We sit like kids outside the headmasters office, conferring on whether asking what is going on will damage our chances.

After 2 and half hours, we both finally emerge, reborn into functioning adults, resplendent with biometric travel documents in red and gold!

God Bless the Queen! And thee cheers for the wonderful Japanese staff of the British Embassy in Tokyo.

I'm back home now, with stamps transferred and all, about to start packing.
All I need now is a nice typhoon to arrive in Japan on Tuesday......